That Thing Daddies and Muties Like

“Okay Pickle what do you want for your treat?”

“I want the things that munties and daddies like!”

“You want what? Something that daddies and monkeys like?”

“Yeah! That thing that makes monkeys and daddies buddies!”

“I don’t know what those are.”

“You know, Momma! You know! Munty buddies!”

“Are you talking about ‘muddy buddies’?

“Of course Momma! And I want dem now.”

Overheard the Pickle Saying…

“Come on! Just come out, I am sitting here waiting for you! If you don’t come out of there, I will put you in time out! Come on, I have been here FOREVER! Just-! Ah, good job!”

I poked my head into his room as I didn’t think he had any friends over, but couldn’t see him. I was still standing there confused when he walked out of the bathroom

“Daddy! I poo’d!”

Am I Cool?

“So, Gremlin, am I cool?”

“Oh, momma, oh, no. Not at all.”

“What?! Why do you say that?”

“Oh, I can just tell from how you act.”

“What? Why?”

“Um, well, momma do you think you’re cool? Cause that’s all that matters.”

“Why am I not cool?”

“Momma, do you think you’re cool?”

“Yes!”

“There, momma, that’s all that matters.”

 

Physically Impossible To Be Quiet

So a few days ago I was trying to finish up a project I was working on, and foolishly shushed the Pickle. He stopped and did a slow turn to make eye contact.

“I don’t have a quiet switch,” and turned back around to continue banging rocks against the table chest he was sitting at. But just a second laterĀ  came the punishment: he moved into the pooping position and relaxed. For a good 30 seconds there was only the muted sound of a toddler tooting. Feeling much more relieved he did a slow turn again to look at me before talking.

“See, daddy?”

Magnifying Glasses

So the local zoo has a ‘trade-in’ counter where you can bring things like corks, cereal bags, and other items that cannot be recycled in a conventional fashion to them so that they can recycle them. For each different type of recyclable, a different number of points is given. The Gremlin has found that the prizes offered by the recycling programs are right up his alley, and constantly trades in for geodes fossils, and other interesting items.

When we go to trade in these items, the Pickle will walk around the drawers and pick up all the magnifying glasses. He will hoard them so that his brother has to come ask him for one. However, last time, we ran into another family that was turning in recyclables as well. The Pickle was unmoved.

“I using them now.” The mother of the child was not giving up easily.

“But you can’t even hold them all.” The Pickle looked at her, and then decided to find a way – lest the boy put the magnifying glass down and let the Gremlin get it. So he started putting each one into a different pocket. He ended up with four (one in each pocket), but still had an extra. He looked around, the mom went a little closer so that she could hold her hand out, and Pickle went into desperation mode.

He pulled his shirt up with one hand, pulled his diaper forward with the other, and shoved the extra magnifying glass down the front of his diaper.

“See, I using them all!” The mother either didn’t want to fight with a two year-old, or was worried he might actually give her the magnifying glass that was currently rubbing against his junk, and backed off.

“Well, okay then,” and she went to corral her son away from the ‘special’ children with the magnifying glasses. From there, the Pickle went around with his prizes. He would walk up to the shells that were laying out and put the magnifying glass up to it and “look at things.” Unfortunately, he would look at the handle itself, and not through the lens.

“I see things!” He proudly announced. The Gremlin had finished tallying up his submissions and was walking around trying to determine what he wanted, so the zoo staff were also looking around. One of them noticed the Pickle’s proclamations, and decided to engage him.

“Oh, what do you see?” The Pickle, crouched down by a drawer in what we call the “pooping position,” staring at the handle of a magnifying glass, looked up at her.

“Zombies.” The zoo staff took this sighting of the undead in stride and braved the smell enough to move the handle down so that Pickle was looking through the lens.

“Well, you’re supposed to use it like this.” The Pickle jumped up and screamed!

“Oh! I really see things!” And proceeded to waddle around in his load-laden diaper for another ten minutes looking at various things before we were able to convince him to leave.