Pickles says Happy Mother’s Day.
Biking and Playing Ball
With the Gremlin in all-day kindergarten, the Pickle is finding himself the center of attention during the day. He goes on errands to the bank, fun trips to the park, and even shopping with his mother. But just because the Gremlin is out of sight, doesn’t mean he’s out of the Pickle’s mind. Just the other day the little terror himself found himself in Target when the unthinkable happened. Another boy, about his brother’s age, decided to look at the Legos too.
The Pickle was immediately on the offensive, walking up to the boy and looking him over. The boy did not know how to deal with the minuscule monster and tried to ignore him and look at the first set – a Lego Monster Fighters set. The Pickle was having none of this.
“Nono! Brubbers! Brubbers!” And he snatched the set off the shelf, tottered over to the cart, and stretched up to dump it in his cart. The boy looked surprised – most likely unable to decipher ‘brubber’ to ‘brother’ so he moved on to the second of the four sets – a Chima set. Again, as soon as he crouched in front of it, the Pickle ran over shouting, ‘NO!’
Again, he appropriated the set, dumped it into his cart, and monitored the other child. Finally, the boy approached the Ninjago set.
“No! Ninjago! Ninjago is for brubber!” The Pickle went for the set again but the boy had now turned his attention.
“What? You know Ninjago?”
“Ninjago, Kai, Zane, Jay!”
“Oh, wow, you’re the coolest little brother. I don’t think I can even be mad!”
The Pickle has been enjoying his time without his brother these school days – he’s allowed more free reign of toys and the house, and generally gets more attention. However, a few days ago he even refused that. The Mother of the Pickle walked out from yet another house-cleaning duty to find the Pickle closing the door to his room.
“Bye bye, momma. Pipple ‘lone time, k?” (Yes, he calls himself ‘Pipple’) The MOTP was so surprised, and preoccupied with keeping the rest of the house clean despite three boys, that she didn’t pay much attention to it and went back to securing the disaster area. After a few minutes, however, she became curious. She knocked on the door to his room, and slowly opened the door. The Pickle sat down heavily, as if he had just been running from the other side of the room.
“Hi momma. Pipple ‘lone time! Go way! Pipple ‘lone time!” The Mother of the Pickle nodded, and closed the door, satisfied he wasn’t sacrificing goats, rubbing pomegranate juice into the carpet, or anything equally as heinous. She departed again for a few minutes, and then decided check on him again, but not to knock this time. The door opened to: The Great Cadbury Massacre.
The Pickle sat in the middle of his room, his father’s 12oz package of Cadbury Mini-Eggs sitting in front of him, multi-colored drool soaking the front of his shirt.
“Hmmf Mmmmma! Pple lne tme! PPLE LNE TME!”
The sad thing is that we know he got WAY too many because he didn’t even cry when the MOTP took the eggs away. He just said:
“Bye bye treats!”
The Pickle has come to the conclusion that if you can’t see his tantrum, it’s not worth screaming about. For instance, the Mother of the Pickle just tried to get him dressed. While the Pickle has decided he will tolerate clothes, he has also decided that he will NOT tolerate changing these clothes. This makes putting him to bed or getting him ready to leave a surprisingly loud task.
So the MOTP de-pantsed the Pickle, triggering his Fight or Tantrum response, to which the Pickle immediately began screaming. Hilariously, however, during this screaming the Pickle began looking around very carefully. Still in full scream mode, he walked over to a clear spot on the living room floor and sat down. He very carefully decreased to ‘high-whine’ mode and laid down very gently, rolling over on his back. Finally fully on the ground, the Pickle turned it back up to full-on tantrum mode and began screaming and kicking again.
While the MOTP was laughing about this, she was also doing her daily juggle satiating the whims of the Gremlin – a full time job in its own right. So she left the screaming Pickle to attempt to kick a hole through the floor, in order to locate the always elusive HOMEWORK OF WEEKS PAST. Unfortunately, her departure did not sit well with the Pickle, who decided he needed to get up, run over to the MOTP, grab her hand, drag her back to the living room, and then proceeded to lay down and tantrum.
It’s a very loud, but rather entertaining process
It’s hard to not wake up laughing when you hear the Gremlin shouting
“NO PICKLES! Yes, I know I have an adorable rumpus, but that doesn’t mean you can touch it!”
(The Gremlin does not close the door after himself when he goes to the bathroom, and fully drops trou regardless. The Pickle believes this is an invitation to poke the Gremlin in his exposed butt.)
On Christmas Morning, opening presents:
“I can feel the magic coming off the wrapping paper!”
Merry Christmas from the Gremlin and the Pickle!
The Gremlin – not by any influence of his parents – has been saving money and “doing chores” to earn money. I only put chores in quotes because the process of doing a chore is as follows:
1) Gremlin asks for a chore
2) Chore is assigned
3) Gremlin immediately repeats chore in a whine/scream only a 5-7 year old can achieve
4) Parents confirm that was exactly what they said
5) Gremlin makes guttural noise and falls to the ground
6) Parents suggest retracting chore and denying Gremlin ability to earn money
7) Gremlin uses whine/scream to suggest he should just get money whenever he asks for it while going off to do chore
8) Gremlin does half of chore and requests money for doing full chore
9) Parent goes over and has to monitor Gremlin while doing chore, and directing them through each step
But I digress, the point is that the Gremlin now has an income, and income leads to Legos. The Gremlin was at the store the other day looking through Legos when another boy a few years older than the Gremlin, and his mother came into the aisle. The boy ran up to one of the larger sets, pulled it off the shelf and looked at his mom.
“I want this one!” The Gremlin perked up at a kid near his own age getting one of the bigger sets. His mother turned to him.
“Okay, honey, are you sure?” The Gremlin had to investigate.
“Are you going to get that set?”
“With your own money?” The boy looked confused.
“What? No.” His mother began to blush at this point, and busied herself on her phone.
“So you just pick one, and you get it? Like, without doing anything?”
“Oh, I see, your not big enough to do chores.”
“Yeah, when you’re big enough to be ‘sponsible’ you do things to earn money, so you still get Lego sets, but it’s better because you worked to earn it.” The kid turned to his mother.
“What? Mommy! I want to do chores! I’m old!”
“Yeah, they’re pretty great,” the Gremlin said as he turned back to the shelves.
Later, the Mother of the Gremlin asked him about the exchange.
“Buddy, you usually hate to do chores, why did you tell that boy they were great?”
“Because, if I’m not getting Legos for free, he shouldn’t either!”