I Can’t See You/Me!

The Mother of the Gremlin recently dared to venture into the dreaded Lair of the Children. Upon breaching the domain, the Gremlin lept to protect his territory, while the Pickle scrambled for cover to hide himself.

And by ‘scrambled for cover to hide himself’ I mean: stood still and clapped his hands over his eyes. The MOTG gave up trying to pick her way through the minefield of Legos strategically placed at just the right angle so as to inflict the maximum amount of pain possible, and asked the Gremlin what he wanted to eat. The Pickle stood as still as possible, hands covering his eyes.

As the MOTG departed, she heard the Pickle peep out from behind his arms, “whew! I guess she didn’t see me!”

Am I Cool?

“So, Gremlin, am I cool?”

“Oh, momma, oh, no. Not at all.”

“What?! Why do you say that?”

“Oh, I can just tell from how you act.”

“What? Why?”

“Um, well, momma do you think you’re cool? Cause that’s all that matters.”

“Why am I not cool?”

“Momma, do you think you’re cool?”


“There, momma, that’s all that matters.”


Magnifying Glasses

So the local zoo has a ‘trade-in’ counter where you can bring things like corks, cereal bags, and other items that cannot be recycled in a conventional fashion to them so that they can recycle them. For each different type of recyclable, a different number of points is given. The Gremlin has found that the prizes offered by the recycling programs are right up his alley, and constantly trades in for geodes fossils, and other interesting items.

When we go to trade in these items, the Pickle will walk around the drawers and pick up all the magnifying glasses. He will hoard them so that his brother has to come ask him for one. However, last time, we ran into another family that was turning in recyclables as well. The Pickle was unmoved.

“I using them now.” The mother of the child was not giving up easily.

“But you can’t even hold them all.” The Pickle looked at her, and then decided to find a way – lest the boy put the magnifying glass down and let the Gremlin get it. So he started putting each one into a different pocket. He ended up with four (one in each pocket), but still had an extra. He looked around, the mom went a little closer so that she could hold her hand out, and Pickle went into desperation mode.

He pulled his shirt up with one hand, pulled his diaper forward with the other, and shoved the extra magnifying glass down the front of his diaper.

“See, I using them all!” The mother either didn’t want to fight with a two year-old, or was worried he might actually give her the magnifying glass that was currently rubbing against his junk, and backed off.

“Well, okay then,” and she went to corral her son away from the ‘special’ children with the magnifying glasses. From there, the Pickle went around with his prizes. He would walk up to the shells that were laying out and put the magnifying glass up to it and “look at things.” Unfortunately, he would look at the handle itself, and not through the lens.

“I see things!” He proudly announced. The Gremlin had finished tallying up his submissions and was walking around trying to determine what he wanted, so the zoo staff were also looking around. One of them noticed the Pickle’s proclamations, and decided to engage him.

“Oh, what do you see?” The Pickle, crouched down by a drawer in what we call the “pooping position,” staring at the handle of a magnifying glass, looked up at her.

“Zombies.” The zoo staff took this sighting of the undead in stride and braved the smell enough to move the handle down so that Pickle was looking through the lens.

“Well, you’re supposed to use it like this.” The Pickle jumped up and screamed!

“Oh! I really see things!” And proceeded to waddle around in his load-laden diaper for another ten minutes looking at various things before we were able to convince him to leave.


The Gremlin was walking home from school today when he vented to his mother.

“Oh, mom, I’m just so stressed!”

“I’m sorry to hear that buddy, what are you stressed about?”

“I have homework to do tonight, I have to finish watching Riders of Berk because I didn’t finish it last night, and I have to read out of my book bag! I just don’t have enough time!”

“That does sound like quite a bit, is there anything I can do to help you not be so stressed?”

“I’m glad you asked. Video games help with stress. Lots of video games.”

“But if you’re stressed about not having enough time, should you really be taking time to play video games?”

“Hmm, well, I guess I’m stressed about something else…”

Your Personal Pickle

After instituting a bedtime ritual for the Pickle involving reading time every night, we read books. One of these books may or may not happen to be Sandra Boynton’s Personal Penguin. This book seems to have resonated with the Pickle. At the zoo today, the Pickle approached the Gremlin.

“Brudder, I want to be your personal Pickle.” He walked up to his brother and held out his arms.

“Look at these arms, so perfect to hug you!” He stopped and looked at his brother, then took a few more steps up to him.

“I going to hug you now, brudder.”

He’s Really Sweet, Most Of The Time…

“So, Pickle, we’re going to write a letter to Santa. What do you want to ask for?”

“A Lego Chi Lion Temple. For Gremlin!”

“Okay, yeah, he already asked for one. What do you want? For yourself?”

“A Chi Lion Temple. For Gremlin.”

“No, you! What do YOU want?”

“Chi Lion Temple! If Gremlin happy, then Pickle happy!”

I’m Just Saying … Genius

I’m not saying the Gremlin is ridiculously brilliant, or that he’s highly intelligent, or that he’s super-smart, or anything, but it’s funny when you’re able to show that on-demand, and especially when he’s able to do this in his school. The Gremlin, being in first grade, has word cards every week. These are also called “sight words” that come in lists of 100 (0-1000) that each student goes through. When a sight word is shown on a flash card, the first-grader then has about five seconds to come up with the word. The Gremlin, when shown these cards, has a perfect record. Literally, he went through all 1,000 cards. In two sittings (each about 5 minutes at school).

After he went through all 1,000 words (for comparison, the first grade requirement is to know the first 100 words by the end of the year), the teacher requested we create words for him from what we read at home. After reading Horton’s Miraculous Mechanisms and adding words like (emphasis on like here – they were different, as the father in Horton’s uses words like) perambulator and prestidigitation to his word list were… again too easy. So the teacher changed it to spelling.

We asked the Gremlin this today and he said:

“Oh! It’s so easy! They GIVE you the word! You don’t even have to guess!”

“So what was the last word you spelled today?”

“Oh, I don’t know, it was either molecule or decimal. I wasn’t really paying attention.” (these were the exact words)

First grade. His spelling homework, the ‘challenge’ words for the rest of his class are true and false.