The Best Day Ever

The Gremlin’s description of tonight (as told to he Mother of the Gremlin):

It was the best day ever! First daddy took me to the Troll, and then we walked down to Cold Stone. My ice cream was melting but I ate it, then we played at the troll again and came home!

What actually happened:

We parked by the Fremont Troll and headed down to Cold Stone. Everything started out fine – the Gremlin ordered his Chocolate Devotion, I purchased a Chocolate-Heath Bar for the Mother of the Gremlin, as well as a Sweet Cream and Twix for myself.

The trouble started when the Gremlin, who had ordered first, had his first accident – dropping a chocolate, fudge covered ball of ice cream down the front of his shirt. Normally, cleaning this up would remind me that I need to bring a large amount of napkins with me. This time, it did. Unfortunately, when I pulled out the napkin to clean off the Gremlin, the front popped off the napkin holder and napkins fell everywhere. While attempting to put the napkin holder back together it slipped my mind to put any in my pocket.

So after two blocks the melting chocolate made the Gremlin reconsider, and he requested I carry it until we were able to clean our hands off. Unfortunately, this led to my hands being covered in chocolate ice cream as well. When I attempted to clean them off, I may have also happened to lick a bit of the Gremlin’s ice cream cup as well. After the initial yelling, the Gremlin yelled a bit more and began complaining about me eating “all of it” as apparently the stuff melting down the sides is so valuable that it is worth twice as much as the inside.

Even after I stopped licking the small child’s ice cream, it only primed him – the Gremlin was only another half-block before he realized the drippings down the sides were caused by the ice cream melting. This caused a new round of yelling to occur – this one so bad that it brought half the congregation of the Fremont Baptist Church out on the balcony to see what was going on. Once the Gremlin had established that he was, in fact, the center of attention, he began calming down and giving chocolaty waves.

Once we reached the Troll again, we sat down and began to enjoy our ice cream. We were sitting in the beautiful Seattle afternoon when the Gremlin hopped down  off the seat. And continued hopping.

“I have to pee. REALLY REALLY BAD!” Of course this would happen when I had three ice creams to hold as well as sticky fingers (in addition to the Gremlin’s chocolate covered hands).

“Okay, bud, can you hold it until we get home?” The Gremlin stopped hopping and held his hand up. Suddenly his eyes grew.

“No! NO I CAN’T!” So without a Starbuck’s in sight we had to find a bathroom. In true Fremont fashion, we decided on the bushes out of the way of the roads. We climbed just out of sight of the Troll, and the Gremlin began doing his business. It was only then I was able to look around and realize

  1. I was downhill of said business and
  2. There was one of Fremont’s own domestically challenged sitting three feet away from the Gremlin, covered in leaves, staring at the 4 year-old’s business-end

After we realized the Gremlin was urinating on a bum, we re-pointed him – not in any small part due to the ‘stranger staring at the little kid’s junk’ thing. As soon as that was complete, we both set quickly down the hill. There was a distinct possibility I was moving slightly more quickly than the Gremlin, as when I heard the next shriek I was already in sight of our car.

When I was finally able to return to the Gremlin, I found him mourning his spoon which had fallen out of his cup and was now laying in the dirt. Between the wails I convinced the Gremlin to finally head home.

It always seems to surprise people that this is a normal day with the Gremlin – just like his interaction with the baby-feeding woman at the beach, or the encounter with the Koreans in the elevator at Target.

Favorite Toy of the Week: Stringer

Always Check Your Sources (And Pickle Update)

“Mumma, you know how daddy write stories about me on the computer and makes money?”

“Ummmm, yeah…”

“Can you read them to me?”

“Why, buddy?”

“Because I want to check it.”

Thanks, Shelby, for telling him I have AdSense set up on this blog. He is now wanting some form of profit sharing…

Pickle Picture Posting:

Sorry for the alliteration, I couldn’t help it

Now Stay Away Redux

The Gremlin has decided that his signs were so effective (as his brother hasn’t touched ANY of his toys yet…) that a disagreement he and I had today resulted in:

That’s right, four new signs!

I should probably highlight the disagreement, first. For the first time since Pickle came to be with us, the Gremlin & Co. went to the grocery store. The haul was more than the Gremlin could ever imagine – ice cream sandwiches, fruit snacks, and more!

One of the things was a bottle of Vitamin Water (which the Gremlin was already accustomed to), purchased by the Mother of the Gremlin, who later realized that it was not her favorite flavor, but mine. She graciously gave it to me, and while she was napping with Pickle, I decided to share it with the Gremlin.

I should have realized from the signs made for Pickle that it wasn’t going to work out, but between the sips I was taking and the cheek-busting mouthfuls the Gremlin was taking, the Vitamin water quickly disappeared. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this because I was doing the dishes.

I finally caught on, and snagged the bottle. The Gremlin saw there was one sip left, and he grabbed the bottle. I didn’t want to emphasize that the strongest person wins, as that just sets up future confrontations, so I let go.

“Please do not drink the rest of my water.” The Gremlin looked at me, and downed the last of it.

I was feeling rather petty at the time, so I turned to the freezer, pulled out a fudgecicle, and began eating it in front of the Gremlin. His eyes got wide.

“May I please have a fudgecicle?” The Gremlin asked, now on his best behavior.

“No. You did not listen to me when I asked you to not drink the rest of MY water that I was sharing with you, so I don’t feel like sharing my fudgcicles with you.” I sat down at the table and finished it off.

The Gremlin sat for a minute, and then promptly hopped off his chair, grabbed his markers, and headed for the scrap paper. By the time I was done, he was ready.

“Daddy, may I please have the tape?” I cut him off a few pieces, and went to go fix the MOTG’s computer.

When I returned, I was walked through the following:

No eating fudgecicles

Followed by:

No eating ice cream sandwiches

Which was followed by the much more levelheaded:

No fighting over Vitamin Water

However, is superseded by:

No asking the Gremlin not to drink the last of the Vitamin Water

Introducing: The Pickle (Now Stay Away!)

This week the Gremlin was forced to welcome a new addition to our family – the Pickle.


The Gremlin responded well initially, however we believe that to be due to the fact that Pickle brought him the Bionicle he wanted.

Unfortunately, I mentioned to him that Pickle would soon want to do, and play with, everything the Gremlin liked. This caused a great amount of consternation, until the Gremlin figured upon a solution he had used with me.

At the Coolest Birthday Party Ever, the Gremlin received a set of magnets that were sold as noisemakers. I, personally, always enjoyed lab science classes and attempted to make a rudimentary rail gun with these.

The Gremlin, in classic 4 year-old form, became jealous that was I enjoying his toy more than he was, and wandered up to the Mother of the Gremlin one day while I was out at work.

“Mumma, how do you spell ‘don’t?'”


“What’s ‘postrophe?”

“It’s a punctuation symbol.” This did not satisfy the Gremlin, however he filed that question in his “stalling trying not to go to sleep so I ask how things work” category.

“D-O-N-T. How do you spell ‘touch?'”


Yeah, he’d already spelled ‘STOP’

The MOTG and I have found this so hysterical that we have tried very hard (most of the time) to respect this sign, so the Gremlin thought it would work in this case as well, just a few days later.

He asked me about putting signs up in the house, and I informed him that I would be fine with that, as soon as his brother could read. I also clued him in that we weren’t entirely sure he was able to read.

The MOTG informed me later the Gremlin told her his feelings were very hurt by that, and so after an apology the following sign is now hanging at the bottom of his door (that’s right, the bottom – so that Pickle can read it when he crawls in their room) – ‘Please Don’t Touch My Toys.’

The Gremlin’s handwriting on the right “says the same thing, but in kid”

Favorite Toy of the Week: (aside of Nitroblast) General Grievous Puzzle