I Can’t See You/Me!

The Mother of the Gremlin recently dared to venture into the dreaded Lair of the Children. Upon breaching the domain, the Gremlin lept to protect his territory, while the Pickle scrambled for cover to hide himself.

And by ‘scrambled for cover to hide himself’ I mean: stood still and clapped his hands over his eyes. The MOTG gave up trying to pick her way through the minefield of Legos strategically placed at just the right angle so as to inflict the maximum amount of pain possible, and asked the Gremlin what he wanted to eat. The Pickle stood as still as possible, hands covering his eyes.

As the MOTG departed, she heard the Pickle peep out from behind his arms, “whew! I guess she didn’t see me!”

No! That’s For Brother!

With the Gremlin in all-day kindergarten, the Pickle is finding himself the center of attention during the day. He goes on errands to the bank, fun trips to the park, and even shopping with his mother. But just because the Gremlin is out of sight, doesn’t mean he’s out of the Pickle’s mind. Just the other day the little terror himself found himself in Target when the unthinkable happened. Another boy, about his brother’s age, decided to look at the Legos too.

The Pickle was immediately on the offensive, walking up to the boy and looking him over. The boy did not know how to deal with the minuscule monster and tried to ignore him and look at the first set – a Lego Monster Fighters set. The Pickle was having none of this.

“Nono! Brubbers! Brubbers!” And he snatched the set off the shelf, tottered over to the cart, and stretched up to dump it in his cart. The boy looked surprised – most likely unable to decipher ‘brubber’ to ‘brother’ so he moved on to the second of the four sets – a Chima set. Again, as soon as he crouched in front of it, the Pickle ran over shouting, ‘NO!’

Again, he appropriated the set, dumped it into his cart, and monitored the other child. Finally, the boy approached the Ninjago set.

“No! Ninjago! Ninjago is for brubber!” The Pickle went for the set again but the boy had now turned his attention.

“What? You know Ninjago?”

“Ninjago, Kai, Zane, Jay!”

“Oh, wow,  you’re the coolest little brother. I don’t think I can even be mad!”

Wait, You DON’T Do Chores?!

The Gremlin – not by any influence of his parents – has been saving money and “doing chores” to earn money. I only put chores in quotes because the process of doing a chore is as follows:

1) Gremlin asks for a chore
2) Chore is assigned
3) Gremlin immediately repeats chore in a whine/scream only a 5-7 year old can achieve
4) Parents confirm that was exactly what they said
5) Gremlin makes guttural noise and falls to the ground
6) Parents suggest retracting chore and denying Gremlin ability to earn money
7) Gremlin uses whine/scream to suggest he should just get money whenever he asks for it while going off to do chore
8) Gremlin does half of chore and requests money for doing full chore
9) Parent goes over and has to monitor Gremlin while doing chore, and directing them through each step

But I digress, the point is that the Gremlin now has an income, and income leads to Legos. The Gremlin was at the store the other day looking through Legos when another boy a few years older than the Gremlin, and his mother came into the aisle. The boy ran up to one of the larger sets, pulled it off the shelf and looked at his mom.

“I want this one!” The Gremlin perked up at a kid near his own age getting one of the bigger sets. His mother turned to him.

“Okay, honey, are you sure?” The Gremlin had to investigate.

“Are you going to get that set?”

“Yeah.”

“With your own money?” The boy looked confused.

“What? No.” His mother began to blush at this point, and busied herself on her phone.

“So you just pick one, and you get it? Like, without doing anything?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Oh, I see, your not big enough to do chores.”

“Chores?”

“Yeah, when you’re big enough to be ‘sponsible’ you do things to earn money, so you still get Lego sets, but it’s better because you worked to earn it.” The kid turned to his mother.

“What? Mommy! I want to do chores! I’m old!”

“Yeah, they’re pretty great,” the Gremlin said as he turned back to the shelves.

Later, the Mother of the Gremlin asked him about the exchange.

“Buddy, you usually hate to do chores, why did you tell that boy they were great?”

“Because, if I’m not getting Legos for free, he shouldn’t either!”