Wait, You DON’T Do Chores?!

The Gremlin – not by any influence of his parents – has been saving money and “doing chores” to earn money. I only put chores in quotes because the process of doing a chore is as follows:

1) Gremlin asks for a chore
2) Chore is assigned
3) Gremlin immediately repeats chore in a whine/scream only a 5-7 year old can achieve
4) Parents confirm that was exactly what they said
5) Gremlin makes guttural noise and falls to the ground
6) Parents suggest retracting chore and denying Gremlin ability to earn money
7) Gremlin uses whine/scream to suggest he should just get money whenever he asks for it while going off to do chore
8) Gremlin does half of chore and requests money for doing full chore
9) Parent goes over and has to monitor Gremlin while doing chore, and directing them through each step

But I digress, the point is that the Gremlin now has an income, and income leads to Legos. The Gremlin was at the store the other day looking through Legos when another boy a few years older than the Gremlin, and his mother came into the aisle. The boy ran up to one of the larger sets, pulled it off the shelf and looked at his mom.

“I want this one!” The Gremlin perked up at a kid near his own age getting one of the bigger sets. His mother turned to him.

“Okay, honey, are you sure?” The Gremlin had to investigate.

“Are you going to get that set?”

“Yeah.”

“With your own money?” The boy looked confused.

“What? No.” His mother began to blush at this point, and busied herself on her phone.

“So you just pick one, and you get it? Like, without doing anything?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Oh, I see, your not big enough to do chores.”

“Chores?”

“Yeah, when you’re big enough to be ‘sponsible’ you do things to earn money, so you still get Lego sets, but it’s better because you worked to earn it.” The kid turned to his mother.

“What? Mommy! I want to do chores! I’m old!”

“Yeah, they’re pretty great,” the Gremlin said as he turned back to the shelves.

Later, the Mother of the Gremlin asked him about the exchange.

“Buddy, you usually hate to do chores, why did you tell that boy they were great?”

“Because, if I’m not getting Legos for free, he shouldn’t either!”

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You Want What?!

The Mother of the Gremlin and I recently celebrated another anniversary of wedded bliss (and by this I mean I do a bunch of stuff for her because I’m amazed she put up with me for yet another year), and as is customary we exchanged gifts. I found out a few days after that the MOTG was considering buying me a video game. She went to the Electronics section, where the Gremlin took over. Understanding that it was a gift from me, he was talking to the MOTG that he had the perfect idea in mind, and marched right up to the employee. My six year-old had this interaction with him.

“Hi, can I help you find something?” The employee turned towards the kids section and held out his arm, trying to encourage the Gremlin towards the G-rated area.

“Yes, I need Assassins Creed III. Do you have it?” The employee nodded turned and pointed.

“Oh yeah, it’s-wait you want WHAT?” He did a double-take, and turned to take in the pint-sized terror, realizing that he was probably not allowed to sell him the ‘M’ rated game (the equivalent of an R-rated movie).

“Assassins Creed III – I need it! It’s really important.”

“Um, well, ah, yes, but-uh I don’t believe-”

“Oh, good! MOMMY! THEY HAVE ASSASSINS CREED III FOR DADDY!” The employee looked very relieved that both the video game was not for the Gremlin, and that the MOTG was right there. Unfortunately, the Gremlin had such good taste in video games that I had been to my first ever midnight release party, and had already picked it up.

Goodnight Ritual

We’ve recently run into the issue of having two young children going to bed at relatively the same time. The Mother of the Gremlin and I were concerned that the younger would incite the elder child, and that neither would stay up. Unfortunately, due to the recent ‘week of the stomach flu’ it was a sad necessity. We held off as long as we could, but the Pickle was still stirring when the Gremlin finally climbed under the blankets. We paused outside the door – waiting to hear if we needed to go back in, and heard the following.

“Brubra?”
“Pickle! It’s night time! Go to sleep!”
“Brubra!”
“Ugh, Pickle, yes, it’s me. I guess I l-, well, go to sleep.”
“Aga oo eeeeee!”
“Fine! I love you Pickles!”
“Ubrabru aeieeeeee, oo uh uh!”
“Oh, fine, I’ll tell you a goodnight story. Now, there were two ninjas – Kai, and Zane. They went to go meet Sensei Wu-”

It was at this point that I had to go lay back down again, and the Mother of the Gremlin went to go do homework. She returned a few minutes later to ensure everything was calming down.

“-and then Cole jumped on the evil skeleton and kicked him in the face!” The MOTG peeked in to see the Pickle passed out on his bed, and the Gremlin still going strong.

“So Cole ran back to where Kai, Zane, and Sensei Wu were…” The MOTG left him, and once the week of the flu passed, we both felt better about putting them to bed together.