The Mother of the Gremlin was at the store this week, after she had this exchange with the Gremlin.
“Momma, can I have some yogurt?”
“Sorry buddy, we’re out.”
“Momma, can I have a cookie?”
“No, buddy, we don’t have any.”
“Momma, can I have some milk?”
“I think we’re all out.”
“Yeah, we ate all those too, buddy.”
“Can we go to the store tomorrow?”
So the MOTG left the little darling in the cart and began to go down her list. Everything was going well until they reached the bread aisle. The MOTG, being health-conscious, picked up a loaf of wheat bread. The Gremlin stood up and pointed.
“I want this one.” He pointed off to the loaves of white bread.
“No, buddy, we’re getting this one.” If there’s one thing the Gremlin doesn’t like, it’s being told ‘no.’ He set his feet, put his hands on his hips and started yelling. The darling said – I kid you not –
“Woman, I’m sick of this healthy stuff! Get me some chocolate I need a candy bar!”
This turned more than one head, and as the Gremlin continued to rant, an older woman walked over to him and asked if he was being a good boy. He stopped crying, no trace of a treble in his voice and looked up at her.
“I don’t need to be good – I’m adorable. And a genius.”
The Gremlin lost that argument, but with his one treat he chose Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. They ended up at the checkout, where the MOTG was approached by a man, staring amusedly at the Gremlin. Apparently he was a spectator at the Gremlin’s meltdown in the bread aisle, as he spoke to the MOTG.
“So he won this round, huh?”
When they finally made it home, the MOTG parked and unhooked the Gremlin from the car seat. He immediately asked to be carried inside. The MOTG looked at him.
“Buddy, you have to walk so that I can carry groceries.” The Gremlin considered this momentarily and then countered.
“Or momma you can carry me and I can sit and watch TV while you go back for the groceries.”
I’d like to say that the MOTG won this battle, but that would be a lie – especially after the meltdown in the bread aisle. At least the Gremlin was quiet while she finished bringing the groceries in…