Emissions and Emittance

While returning from a jaunt out to the southern suburbs, the Mother of the Gremlin decided to, after a quick detour to Wendy’s to reward the surprisingly patient Gremlin, the MOTG headed over to the sixth gate (not to be confused with the Ravenswood Post Office, though almost as frightening) – the Vehicle Emissions Testing Facility.

When the vehicle approached, it was like he knew who it was – almost as if we had been there 6 times before. And just as if he had seen us 6 times before, the emissions tester gruffly demanded the MOTG’s paperwork. The Gremlin, who was just finishing off his Frostee (so imagine his face like this, only with chocolate), piped up as he had been working on the exact same thing over the last few days.

“Escuse me, but you dint say ‘pease!'” The man slowly bent down until he was able to see in through the driver’s side window into the back seat. The Gremlin stared back at him.

“You need to ask nicely and say pease.” The very large man looked down at the MOTG who reinforced it.

“We’re trying to teach him that even if it’s an unpleasant situation, it doesn’t make anything worse to be polite,” and she sat there and waited as the man stood there with is hand out.

“Ma’am, may I please have your receipt and testing form?” The Gremlin started clapping and yelled.

“Good job!”

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Pants STILL On The Ground

The Gremlin was at Target the other day, and with his personality he gets very possessive. So when he does get his one treat at the store, or even something extra – like a Thomas sheet set, for example – he clutches it in both arms and ignores everything else around him. Being of slight build (125th percentile in height, 76th in weight), we frequently have trouble securing the waistline of the Gremlin (who to this day doesn’t understand why he needs to concern himself with snaps or buttons). It struck again at the store, and he was dutifully following his mother when his pants found themselves around his ankles. Without the use of his hands, and without his mother noticing, the Gremlin began to assess the situation.

With his hands full, the Mother of the Gremlin didn’t expect any trouble once he was in line to pay, holding his sheet set. She didn’t immediately turn around when she heard the woman behind her laughing, so when the cashier motioned for her to look, it was already too late. She turned just in time to hear him speak to the rest of the line behind them.

“Aw, c’mon, lady! It just happens sometimes!” And without attempting to pull them back up, he turned around with a huff, mooning the rest of the store (again) with his tighty-whities.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMELTDOWN!

Bleep bloop bleep blip!

I’m AJ the Gremlin, and today is the longest day of my life.

6:00am – Mommy woke me up today. After putting me to bed early for the past two days, she finally thinks I have caught up on my sleep. I decided to convey my displeasure with her through the only way I can communicate before I have my coffee – by playing trains without her.

7:00am – MOMMY LEFT! SHE’S GONE! I’M ALL ALON-oh, hey, it’s Daddy. Nevermind.

8:00am – Daddy seems to be tired. I can’t bee seen as ‘going soft’ on him, so I will now whine about every conceivable thing for the next hour.

9:00am – Bored. Ooooh, look toilet paper. I love it how this stuff just flies off the roll. Roll, man, I wonder if I left my cars out. Oh, no, they’re in my room, I’ll just go over and… What? Oh, yes daddy, I am still holding the toilet paper. Oh, I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.

10:00am – Trip to the store! I’m gonna get a treat! I love having mommy and daddy trained.

10:15am – Was forced by the slaving daddy to walk halfway here.

10:30am – Purchased odd basket, but am getting juice, so I’ll help carry something home.

11:00am – Time to get ready for soccer, which is my favorite part of the day – NAKED TIME!

11:15am – Again, forced to do something I don’t want to by slaving daddy – now stuck wearing clothes. Boo…

12:00pm – Finally got to soccer, realized it was more than one person and freaked out.

12:05pm – Realized there is a coach, started crying

12:10pm – Realized coach has a whistle, started crying

12:15pm – Didn’t want to participate in drills, started crying

12:20pm – Didn’t get to participate in drills, started crying

12:25pm – Coach used his whistle again, started crying

12:30pm – Oooooh, treats!

12:31pm – Wanted another cookie, was refused, started crying

Tha-thump! Tha-thump! Tha-thump!

Tune in next week for the exciting results of the Parents of the Gremlin getting sick of how much he asks everyone else to do work for him and get strict! More crying action! More crying time! Guaranteed to make other parents take their kids home early from soccer practice!