The other day the Pickle declared he was not a brother: “I not a brubber! I Pipple!”
He also now does his “ninja dance” which consists of him saying “hee-yah”, running five feet, and jumping up in the air, and slamming down with as much force as he can. If we ask him not to do ninja moves, he says ‘okay’ and then when we try and talk to him about it again claims to have been ‘dancing.’
“So, Pickle, we’re going to write a letter to Santa. What do you want to ask for?”
“A Lego Chi Lion Temple. For Gremlin!”
“Okay, yeah, he already asked for one. What do you want? For yourself?”
“A Chi Lion Temple. For Gremlin.”
“No, you! What do YOU want?”
“Chi Lion Temple! If Gremlin happy, then Pickle happy!”
I’m not saying the Gremlin is ridiculously brilliant, or that he’s highly intelligent, or that he’s super-smart, or anything, but it’s funny when you’re able to show that on-demand, and especially when he’s able to do this in his school. The Gremlin, being in first grade, has word cards every week. These are also called “sight words” that come in lists of 100 (0-1000) that each student goes through. When a sight word is shown on a flash card, the first-grader then has about five seconds to come up with the word. The Gremlin, when shown these cards, has a perfect record. Literally, he went through all 1,000 cards. In two sittings (each about 5 minutes at school).
After he went through all 1,000 words (for comparison, the first grade requirement is to know the first 100 words by the end of the year), the teacher requested we create words for him from what we read at home. After reading Horton’s Miraculous Mechanisms and adding words like (emphasis on like here – they were different, as the father in Horton’s uses words like) perambulator and prestidigitation to his word list were… again too easy. So the teacher changed it to spelling.
We asked the Gremlin this today and he said:
“Oh! It’s so easy! They GIVE you the word! You don’t even have to guess!”
“So what was the last word you spelled today?”
“Oh, I don’t know, it was either molecule or decimal. I wasn’t really paying attention.” (these were the exact words)
First grade. His spelling homework, the ‘challenge’ words for the rest of his class are true and false.
“Who needs the radio when you have a built-in Christmas Carol singing machine! Deck the falls with bells of holly fa lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.”
At Panera today, the Pickle took it upon himself to order an “M&N” cookie – he corrected the server several times. The Mother of the Pickle had, unfortunately already paid for her food at this point, but – according to the Pickle:
“It’s okay. I cute.” The server happened to agree with him and ended up giving it to him for free because:
“Yeah, he is cute.”
Well, usually this results in the Pickle and the MOTP sitting down to munch on their snacks right by the waiting area, however today it was much more busy than usual, and all the tables were occupied. Thanks to the stellar planning and packaging by the Panera employees, the MOTP had to sit down and re-distribute everything so that she could actually carry it without the soup spilling everywhere.
The Pickle decided this was license to go and sit down in his usual spot. That happened to be an occupied table with one chair free. The Pickle, however, was undaunted, and walked right up to the chair and climbed in. It just so happened he climbed into an occupied chair.
It took the MOTP a few moments to register what was going on, and process her child sitting in the lap of another woman, spreading his cookie out over the table – shoving the other items off to the side. She ran over, mortified, but the woman whose lap he had decided to occupy was a good sport.
“Yeah, it’s okay, I’m in his seat. He told me.”
The Mother of the Gremlin was putting together her Christmas lists the other day, when she posed this question to the Gremlin.
“I think we should get baby Jack something. What should we get him?” The Gremlin pulled out the first thing he could think of.
“A baby sister – that’ll teach him!” The MOTG was taken a bit aback.
“WHAT?!” While the MOTG was surprised, the Pickle took it upon himself to take up the call of his brother.
“BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER! BABY SISTER!”