Park Peep Watch – I’d say again, but are you really surprised?

While attempting to ignore how often posts bear this titleĀ  on this site – and what that says about my son, and possible future lawsuits – the Gremlin has again terrorized a public park.

Due to the Father of the Gremlin’s procrastination and poor planning, the car was scheduled to go in for new brakes at 8am this morning. This left the Gremlin and the Mother of the Gremlin with no way to get the Gremlin to school except to walk the mile and a half through the pouring rain of Seattle. Actually, it didn’t rain on them, but I’m sure the Gremlin will remember differently when he’s 35 or 40.

The MOTG did what she could to make the trip more interesting – they played games and even stopped on the way for a treat, but disaster was imminent when the MOTG noticed the Gremlin doing his potty dance.

“Hey Buddy, do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“Nope!” And he ran 20 feet to show here, and then stood there doing his potty dance while she caught up with him. Fortunately, the Gremlin had run up to one of the many parks in between his home and his school. The MOTG looked around. The park was mostly populated by people walking their dogs, and those people were mostly in the clear space so the dogs could run and do their business as well. Without remember she was with the Gremlin, she looked down.

“Okay, if you need to go, you can go in the park.” The Gremlin’s eye grew big and he grinned the evil grin of Gremlins everywhere.

“I CAN?! Okay, I have to potty!”

“Okay, just go in one of the trees away from the people, okay?”

“OKAY!” The Gremlin shouted over his shoulder, and ran right over to the cluster of trees and shrubbery perfect for hiding the ill-timed indescretion from the rest of the park. As long as you were inside. The Gremlin, however, was not. In true 5 year-old fashion, he marked the people with the dogs, and made sure they were at his back.

He then picked the closest possible tree to them, and without even bothering to go behind it, dropped trou.

It was fortunate, however, that no people with dogs were near-BARK! BARKBARK!

True to the form of the bad timing that can only be associated with the parents of the Gremlin not wanting to be embarrassed but ending up so anyway, a person walking to the park with his dog had been following the MOTG. His dog was currently lunging against his leash towards the exposed buttocks of the child in question. The Gremlin looked up, and as he is 5 he is therefore never in the wrong.

“Gosh man, can’t I get some privacy here? I’m trying to pee!”

“Uh, yeah, well, uh, sorry about that. Uh, my dog kinda likes that tree. He, uh, tends to use it every time we come here.”

“Well tell him to wait! I’m using it right now!” The man was now almost next to the MOTG, but clearly not desiring to get any closer to the Gremlin.

“Yeah, uh, apparently it’s popular with dogs, and uh, well…” He seemed to realize he’d just associated the Gremlin with a dog and was trying to get over both his discomfort and embarrassment at the same time. The Gremlin, though, provided the MOTG with a way out.

“There!” He said as he started off down the hill and towards his school, wiggling his backwards Star Wars Lego underpants up over his bottom, though failing because he was also trying to walk with his pants around his ankles at the same time.

You Can CHOOSE?!

Coming home from school the other day, the Gremlin had a question about some friends of ours

“Why did Miss L and Mr. S decide to have two babies at once?”

“God gave them two – they were trying to have one.”

“So it wasn’t an accident?”

“No, they wanted a baby.”

“Why would you want a baby?!”

“Because they didn’t have any babies.”

“But WHY would you want a baby?!”

“Well, some people think babies are fun. Cause you can dress them up and stuff…”

“But they already have babies, they have Remy and Cliquot!”

“Buddy, you can’t dress up dogs.”

“Sure you can, I see dogs in stupid sweaters all the time!”

He still doesn’t understand the concept of choosing to have a child.